Today is about giving thanks and eating so much food you either pass out or throw up.
We're thankful for a lot here at TheNug--boobs, butts, weed--so we came up with a list of the Top 10 Things Stoners Are Thankful For to spread the holiday spirit.
So light up, lean back, and give thanks.
10. Video Games
Where else can you casually murder people, defy gravity, travel to fantasy worlds, or watch avatars bone? Video games are every stoner's great escape from the boring reality that you've just spent the entire day on your couch.
It's the best way to have fun doing something while actually doing nothing, so we thank you, video games, for helping us escape our everyday lives to become criminals, soldiers, or even little Italian men in hats.
9. Pizza Delivery
If it wasn't for pizza delivery, I might not be able to smoke weed.
Everyone knows that feeling when you're really high and don't want to get up but would fucking murder someone for a pizza. That's why we give special thanks to all delivery guys and gals who bring us that meaty, cheesy goodness when it's suddenly impossible for us to leave the house.
Spread the holiday spirit by inviting your delivery person in for a toke or slipping them one of your special holiday brownies. I guarantee they won't forget you (and they might even stop secretly eating half the pepperonis off your pizza).
I need more allowance YO-DA-LE-HEE-HOO!
All stoners, past and present, know that allowance day is the best day of the week. That cash money quickly transforms into Taco Bell and a dimebag, and I think we all know the best kind of weed is the kind that's free. Thanks mom and dad!
(The adult version of this--Pay Day--is also something to give thanks for, but since it's work related it depressed us so we opted for the carefree version from our youth.)
7. Adult Swim
I got ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus. This one's for all the stoners out there who speak fluent Meatwad when they're high.
No matter what show is on, its random awkwardness will crack your stoned ass up and make you look around and wonder, "Did that just happen or am I really high?" The answer, my friend, is both.
When you're too high to scroll through hundreds of channels, Adult Swim is guaranteed to entertain all stoners (until you get too weirded out and decide to watch a pleasantly normal '90s sitcom).
Edibles are the incog stoner's bread and butter; no smell, no smoke, but a deliciously strong high. Edibles are especially good for family holidays like Thanksgiving for those exact reasons.
Just don't get too cocky and eat too much; your relatives might realize you're extremely high if you're lying under the dinner table in the fetal position.
If I stop to think how many hours I've spent high on YouTube, I'll get a headache and really depressed.
YouTube is a stoner's dream, feeding you hilarious, crazy, disgusting, awesome content nonstop. Whatever you're into, it's on YouTube, so thanks for overloading our brains with random videos and making our high that much more interesting.
4. Costco Samples
Is there anything better than the soft echo of your footsteps on concrete, the high ceilings stocked with every munchie you can dream of, and the sweet face of a cherubic middle-aged woman in a chef's hat asking if you'd like to try her ravioli?
Getting high and navigating the aisles of that mythical fortress in search of samples is one of the best adventures ever. With each bite tasting slightly better than the last, Costco samples are the perfect free lunch for the stoner with all the time in the world.
Don't get too sad when they turn you away for thirds--a Costco hot dog for $1.50 is the cherry on your stoner sundae.
No stoner has known true joy until they've snowboarded or skiied high. With the wind in your face and nothing but powder in front of you, riding is one of the best (if not the best) activities to do stoned. With all the new vape pens out there, taking a smoke break in the trees or on the lift has never been easier or more enjoyable.
If boarding's not your thing, don't think you're excused from this one. Sledding high is wildly fun, and you'd be surprised how extreme a simple snowball fight can become when all parties are determined, paranoid, and stoned.
So let's give thanks to the snow gods, the makers of vape pens, and the mountains in general for all the fun smoke and snow have to offer.
2. Thanksgiving Dinner
True stoners know that Thanksgiving is the best holiday because of the food. A day where you can watch football all morning, drink beers, sneak a toke (or ten), then be encouraged to obliterate egregious amounts of amazing food? We're for it.
Whether you're into turkey, mashed potatoes, yams (really?), or stuffing (like all non-crazy people), getting blazed and binging on these holiday classics is definitely something to be thankful for.
(A special thanks to all moms who spend the beer-drinking, pot-smoking, football-watching time in the kitchen. We love you.)
Colorado and Washington are the U.S.'s crowning achievements this year for legalizing recreational marijuana. College kids nationwide no longer have to slum it in Amsterdam to experience the joys of legal weed when a simple road trip just a few states over will do the trick (and save a shit ton of money to spend on legal greens).
Also with more and more states legalizing medicinal marijuana, we here at TheNug predict that this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to evolving legislation.
So thank you, voters, smokers, activists, and politicians (well, maybe not politicians...) for fighting the good fight toward legalization. Last year, there was no legal recreational weed in America. Maybe next year we'll be giving thanks for even more states taking up the mantle.
Happy Thanksgiving from TheNug!
Now go git that turkey.